was a bad day for me.
I don't know why I can't keep it together. Meggan needed to leave early and since I've been at work so much this week I thought it would be great to spend some extra time with the kids. I don't know how stay-at-home mom's do it. I had to do homework and reading with Tayson, get 5 cups of juice, clean up 3 potty accidents, plunge the toilet, finish washing the sheets, make the bed, cook dinner, answer emails from work, feed the kids, read scriptures and get them ready for bed. I was so worn out and tired I took a hot bath and got in bed as soon as I put the kids down. I easily could have fallen asleep before them but I was so excited that Todd was coming home I waited up. By the time Todd got home (a little after 9:00) 3 of the 4 kids were in my bedroom and I didn't care enough at that point to punish them for getting out of bed. Claire cuddled up in bed with me, Tayson was texting Todd and Luke was just in there bugging Tayson. I honestly just had to turn off.
The thing that really gets to me is that I lose it with my kids. I am embarrassed to admit how many times I raised my voice, completely yelled, swore and cried within a few hours. My family means more to me than anything in the world and some days I yell at them more than I laugh with them. I don't want to be like that but I can't figure out how to be better. Sometimes I just feel sorry for myself and think I have the hardest life...then I look around and realize I have it all and I should stop complaining and start being grateful. I know I need to try harder and do better as a mom - the last conference was all about that and I need to take it to heart. I just don't know how to do it.
8 comments:
Ah Kathy, thank you for this post. You don't even know how much that is me to the T....like all the time. It's something that I constantly have to work on! You're an amazing mama. Love you!
Don't worry, we've all been there.
Amen! I totally get the "yell more than laugh" and at the end of the day when they're in bed (and I only have TWO!) I feel awful because I lost it so many times. If you figure out how to be better, let me in on the secret:) But each morning I vow to try a little harder to be a little better and like 1/7 days I think I do it. LOL
To be perfectly honest Kathy, when my kids were younger, I lost it more often than I do now. Sadly, I still flip out sometimes, but now it's a little different and less often. As they get older, I think things change. Just cut yourself some slack..... You have 4 kids ages 7 and under! BREATH!!! oh, and I loved putting myself in "time out". I would tell the kids, I was going to my room for time out, so that I wouldn't kill them. :-D
As you can see, Kathy, you are not alone. We all feel that way. There are many nights that I go to bed feeling guilty about how I reacted (yelling, crying, etc...) to things throughout the day. I am with Christine, it seems to be getting less, but it does still happen. I think it's less often because I'm getting too tired to deal with it so I just ignore it. Hang in there, we love you and we all know how you feel. It's nice sometimes to know we are all in this motherhood thing together and we can go to each other and understand each other.
Oh my, once again, that was Jackee, not Derek. Sorry, but I don't think he would be able to sympathize with you.
Honestly, I don't think any of us know how to do it, we're all in the same boat. Some may appear to be doing better than others, but I really think we're all in the same boat struggling to paddle and figure it out. You're not alone, and give yourself credit, you are great!
Christine makes me laugh.
Did you read my last blog post?
It will make you feel better.
Stay home mom's lose it at dinner time too....that time from right after school until bed is the hardest.
If all mom's were as honest, we could all support each other a little better.
One things that really helps me is that I challenge myself when I start flipping out. I challenge myself to know why I am putting so much pressure on myself. I am usually going ballistic on the kids because of my own issues. I try to feel what those issues are so that I can talk myself out of my temporary insanity and not take it out on my poor children.
Abigail's note in my last post will help you see that I am not very successful most of the time. :)
Kids are hard. Especially when they leave trails of messes and have so many emotional/physical needs and when you multiply that by 4 it's almost impossible for any mom.
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